


Internal Shifts

by ellia



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Breathplay, Collars, Community: kink_bingo, D/s, Dirty Talk, M/M, Public Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-30
Updated: 2009-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-04 00:42:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellia/pseuds/ellia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just a stupid dare, it wasn't supposed to cause a life altering epiphany</p>
            </blockquote>





	Internal Shifts

** Internal Shifts **

 

Jensen sinks onto a free barstool, sighing with relief when he manages to catch the bartender's eye and order quickly. He empties the glass in one long swallow, bourbon burning his throat, and then he signals for another right away. Sipping this one more slowly, he tries to wrap his mind around the evening's events. It's all jumbled up in his head, and he still isn't quite sure how it all happened.

 

He's still shaky and a little shell-shocked, and he has to fight like hell to keep his emotions under control. To force himself to sit and wait for Jared, instead of running out of the club, and away from everything he's feeling.

 

It started with Jared, actually pretty much everything in his world can be explained by that statement. Four years of friendship, almost six months since that developed into something more, and there really isn't any part of his life that Jared doesn't touch.

 

So it started with Jared and video games, and Jensen getting his ass kicked for about the thousandth time this month. There'd been tequila, he's pretty sure of that, and body shots, licking salt off Jared's skin, sharing bitter wedges of lime, drinking enough to cloud his mind. Until the only thing he could think of was getting Jared naked, so he could see where else he could lick.

 

He'd been drunk and horny, that's the only explanation for him being stupid enough to play one last game with Jared, especially after the sneaky son of a bitch had suggested that the winner got to choose a forfeit for the loser.

 

Drunk, horny and completely disarmed by that pathetic puppy-dog look Jared always pulls; usually right before he does something that's going to get Jensen into all kinds of trouble. So he'd played again, and lost again, and then spent the rest of the week wondering what the hell Jared was going to do with him this time.

 

In the end it hadn't seemed that bad, Jared just wanted him to wear a collar when they went out that Saturday night. A little humiliating sure, but compared to previous occasions, nothing Jensen couldn't handle. He'd expected Jared to produce one of the dogs' old collars for him to wear, something tacky and ugly. He was sure he'd be dragged down to their usual bar, where he'd get to spend the night being teased and mocked by their friends, the way he always is when he lets Jared talk him into this shit.

 

Instead Jared had avoided him for most of the day, heading out with the dogs, leaving Jensen to wonder if his boyfriend had something more devious planned. When Jared finally got home, he'd disappeared into his bathroom, only pausing long enough to tell Jensen that they'd be heading out as soon as they were both ready.

 

When he had finished with his own shower, he'd returned came to his room and found the collar waiting for him on his bed. It definitely hadn't belonged to one of the dogs; it looked far too good for that. A narrow strip of dark brown leather, butter soft to the touch. It had a small silver ring hanging from the centre that looked like it once might have held a tag, and a shiny silver buckle.

 

When Jensen had picked it up he'd noticed that the leather was soft and worn in places, and that one of the holes had stretched wide with use. When he had wrapped it around his neck, he'd used that hole to fasten it at first, but it left the collar hanging loose and out of shape. It'd taken him a minute to realise that meant whoever had been wearing the collar before him had a bigger neck than his own.

 

Tightening the collar by a couple of extra holes, so that it rested more comfortably around his neck, he'd taken a minute to check out how it looked in the mirror. The dark leather had been a sharp contrast to his skin, made him look paler somehow, and he'd been mesmerised by the way it shifted against his neck every time he took a breath.

 

He'd tried hard not to think about where the collar might have come from, but he hadn't been able to. As he'd pulled on his clothes, he'd wondered if Jared had worn it himself, or if it belonged to one of the men in Jared's past. He knew Jared wasn't nearly as inexperienced as some people seemed to assume, in fact his boyfriend had been a bit of a slut, back in the day.

 

Usually it didn't bother him, after all he wasn't exactly without a past himself, but there was something about this whole situation that had him on edge, made him think that Jared had been hiding things from him. Most people just didn't have a collar like this hanging around, and seeing it had made him wonder what else he didn't know about his lover.

 

He had put on an old pair of jeans and t-shirt, but he'd hesitated before adding a button-down over the top. In the end he'd pulled it on, figuring that if Jared didn't want him to wear it, he'd just tell Jensen to take it off. When he'd looked in the mirror again, all you could see was a small strip of brown leather in the hollow of his throat; the rest of the collar having been hidden by the shirt.

 

Jared had been waiting for him, when he'd left his room; but he hadn't commented on the collar or the shirt beyond a quick, "Looks good on you Jen." On their way out, he'd first held the house door open for Jensen, ushering him through with a wave of his arm, then he'd done the same when they reached the car. Holding the door open, then closing it gently after Jensen slipped inside.

 

He'd been a little unnerved by it, normally he'd give Jared hell for treating him like a girl, but tonight it'd been like his temper had been muted somewhat by the leather buckled around his neck. It'd been the same at dinner, Jared pulling out his chair then ordering for both of them. And still Jensen hadn't been able to say anything about it. All through dinner he'd been nervous, sure that the restaurant's other customers were staring at him, wondering about the collar.

 

He'd known in his head that they couldn't really see it for what it was, with his shirt in the way it looked just like a necklace, but he was so self-conscious he couldn't relax. As the meal had worn on it had gotten worse, because he'd been able to feel the leather pressing against his neck, every time he swallowed a mouthful of food.

 

They hadn't talked much, which was strange, Jared normally hated to be quiet; he always filled up the silences with stories and jokes. But tonight he'd seemed content to just enjoy their food, and stare at Jensen. It had driven him nuts, the way Jared had just sat and looked at him, soft smile curling the edges of his mouth.

 

Unlike Jared, Jensen hadn't been blessed with a magic metabolism, so unless he wanted to spend every waking moment in the gym he always avoided dessert. Tonight when Jared's calorie laden monstrosity arrived, he'd resigned himself to watching his boyfriend devour the decadent looking cake with his usual exuberance, while he watched with envy and savoured his coffee. Jared always tried to tempt him into trying some, and he always said no, it had become something of a game with them, one of the few that Jensen never lost.

 

In the past he had always stood firm in the face of Jared's pleading looks, but tonight it'd been completely different. He'd known it was coming, knew that he'd turn Jared down just like he always did. Except tonight he hadn't been able to say it, he'd looked into Jared's eyes and the words had just died in his throat. Instead when Jared offered up his fork, laden down with chocolate and cream; Jensen had simply parted his lips and accepted it. He did the same with the second forkful and the third, and by the time they were done, he'd eaten at least half of Jared's cake.

 

When they'd left the restaurant, he'd turned towards the lot where they'd left the car, only to have Jared steer him in the opposite direction. And after a few minutes walk he'd found himself in a club, one that was nothing like their usual haunts. Thumping techno beats made the whole place vibrate, it was all flashing lights and dark corners, full of men wearing more leather than Jensen had ever seen outside of a movie set.

 

They'd headed straight for the dance floor, pushed into the heaving, sweating mass of bodies. They'd been crushed together, pushed close, moving more in time with the men surrounding them, than the music thumping through the speakers. Jared's hands had gripped him tight, grinding their bodies together. From time to time he'd stolen hungry kisses, nipping and teasing Jensen's lips, and then he was gone, swept away by the crowd and Jensen was dancing alone.

 

There'd been strangers all around him, bodies pressed close, strange hands touching him, caressing him, his ass had been pinched more times in those few minutes on the dance floor than it had in the ten years since he'd grown out of his twink modelling look. And he'd let them, normally he'd never allow himself to be touched like that, never let himself be shoved around the dance floor like a puppet, but tonight it hadn't mattered, there'd been no fight in him. No urge to take control, he'd been happy to just go with the flow; to close his eyes and let the music drive him.

 

One man had pulled him close, rocking their hips together, making him groan with need. When he'd opened his eyes, he'd seen a stranger, dark hair, hungry eyes and a sure grip, he should have pulled away, but hadn't the will to do so. Part of him had known it was wrong to give into the heat and need he'd been feeling, but at that moment he hadn't cared.

 

He'd allowed the touch, had uttered no protest when his head was tugged back by a hand twisting in his hair, had shuddered as strange lips scraped along his neck, moaned loudly when a stranger whispered in his ear, "Such a pretty boy, just begging for it, aren't you?" And he doesn't know if he would've stopped, he hopes he would, but he doesn't know for sure, because in that moment he hadn't cared. The strange tension he'd been feeling all evening had him tied in knots, but it was like it had bled away under the man's controlling touch.

 

Then Jared had appeared over the man's shoulder, his face tight with anger, he'd said just one word, "Mine," before pulling Jensen from the man's arms and ushering him towards the dark corner. In that moment, Jared had almost seemed as much a stranger as the man he'd been grinding against only seconds earlier. His face had been hard, closed off in a way Jensen hadn't recognised. Instead of a puppy dog, there'd been a wolf staring at him out of Jared's eyes, pure predator, all teeth and hunger, it'd scared him almost as much as it had turned him on.

 

Jensen had twisted himself up with panic and need and had tried to pull away, to get a second to pull himself together. Jared had just tightened his grip on Jensen's arm and kept going, leaving Jensen to stumble after him. He hadn't been able to get a read on Jared at all, hadn't known if his boyfriend was feeling angry or betrayed, or both. He'd almost cheated on Jared, had let someone touch him, and stroke him, and he couldn't explain it to himself, never mind tell Jared why he'd done it. And his boyfriend hadn't given him any time to think, had just shoved him up against a wall and kissed him the second they'd gotten clear of the dance floor.

 

He'd tried to talk, but Jared hadn't let up, he'd just kept going, kissing Jensen like he never wanted to stop. Then Jared had pulled back just a little, and Jensen had finally been able to catch his breath, he remembers feeling turned on, and worried and completely out of his depth. He'd been panting hard, each harsh breath pushing against the collar, making him more aware of it than ever.

 

He'd felt Jared's hand stroke slowly over the nape of his neck, it had felt so good and he'd leaned into the touch, wanting more. Then two fingers had slipped under his collar and pulled, and the whole world had turned white as he struggled for breath against the constricting leather. Jared had relaxed his fingers, let Jensen draw a quick breath, the pulled the collar tight again. Three, four, five times he had repeated the action, and Jensen hadn't known what to do, it hadn't even occurred to him to try to struggle free from the punishing hold. When Jared had slipped his fingers free, instead of asking him what the hell was going on, he'd just collapsed against his body, needing the support more than the explanation.

 

There'd been tears in his eyes, and apologies on his lips, but Jared had just kissed both away. He'd found an empty couch, hidden in the corner, and pulled Jensen into his lap. There'd been more kisses, and Jensen had felt himself relax just a little, right up to the moment Jared had started talking.

 

"Shush baby, it was my fault, left you all alone out there. Should've known what they'd do, so pretty you looked, all needy and lost. You were just too fucking tempting, should've known someone would try and take you." And a part of Jensen had wanted to object, to say he wasn't some _thing_, that could be taken, he was a person, and he decided where he wanted to go. But somehow he'd not been able to get the words out, had not been able to do anything but sit there and listen to Jared's words, to feel them get inside his mind and flip switches he hadn't even known were there.

 

"Wanted to watch you out there, so pretty, all those men wanting you, wanting what's mine, next time you'll have to leave the shirt off. Make sure they see my collar; then they'll know you're mine. Maybe I should put you on a leash, tie you up when I've got to leave you alone, stop strange men from wandering off with you." And that moment right there, when Jared had gripped his chin and looked into his eyes, just before kissing him again, Jensen had finally gotten it.

 

It'd been a full on fucking light bulb moment, when everything in his mind and body shifted and re-shaped under Jared's touch. He'd finally understood it all, the way he's been behaving all night, what Jared wants, the feelings he'd been struggling to comprehend, and he'd groaned into the kiss, as he'd realised that nothing would ever be the same again. _He'd_ never be the same again. He'd felt like he was on fire, aching and needy, and he'd been unable to stop himself from grinding against Jared in desperation.

 

"Like that idea, do you? Fucking knew it; you're going to look so pretty on your knees for me, going to make you beg and you're going to love every second." There'd been no arrogance in Jared's voice, no triumphant gloating, just a kind of quiet certainty. And the bitch of it was that Jensen had known he was right. He'd never wanted this before, never even thought about it, but Jared had spent the night pushing buttons he never even knew he had. And when Jared had pulled on the collar one last time, he'd come in his pants, dirtying himself like some too eager kid.

 

So here he is sitting at the bar, waiting for Jared to come back from the bathroom and take him home. He's got his shirt wrapped around his waist to try and hide the stain he'd made when he'd come in his pants. He feels like everyone can see inside him, like they can tell what's just happened, and he hates how vulnerable that makes him feel. He's also pretty fucking sick of the knowing looks and mumbled comments he's been getting since he displayed the collar more prominently, he knows he shouldn't care, they don't really know anything, but he still doesn't like them looking.

 

Everything's changed, and he's still not sure what he feels about that. Jared had told him to head to the bar, order himself a drink, and wait while he used the bathroom. And it wasn't until Jared had actually walked away that Jensen had realised that his boyfriend had essentially been giving him an order. One that he'd obeyed too easily for his own comfort.

 

He's not sure of anything any more, what he feels, what he wants, what he needs. And he's not even sure those last two are the same thing, at least not in his lover's eyes. Jared's words have burned images into his brain, him in the collar, kneeling for Jared, a thin chain leading from his collar to Jared's hand. And that right there almost sets him to panicking all over again, _his collar_, the words make his breath catch and his cock twitch, it's like his body has already made its decision and is just waiting for the rest of him to catch up.

 

He's excited, terrified, a little ashamed of himself, he just needs five minutes to stop and think, to figure out what the hell's going on in this fucked up mind of his. He'd woken up this morning expecting to suffer a little; to endure whatever ridiculous stunt Jared came up with for his forfeit. Instead his whole world's been turned upside down, like all his internal rules have been re-written. He's thirty fucking years old, how does he not know this about himself? How come he's never realised before that leather and steel turn him on, that he'll bend and kneel under the right touch, that the right words from the right man will make him submit?

 

He knows he still has a choice, Jared would never force him into anything, he can unbuckle the collar and tell Jared that he doesn't want this and it'll be over. But he's pretty sure he won't, this is everything he never knew he wanted, and he knows that he doesn't want Jared to let him run away from this.

 

So when Jared comes back he holds out his hand, and lets Jared help him up. He says nothing when Jared wraps a strong hand around his wrist and leads him from the club. Thanks his lover when he's helped into his jacket, and leans into the arm that's wrapped around his waist as they walk back to the parking lot.

 

When they finally reach the car he lets Jared push him to his knees, opens his mouth when he's told to; sucks, hums swallows, lets Jared fuck his cock deep into his throat. Follows every order he hears whispered into the quiet night air, doesn't think, doesn't question, just lets Jared tell him what to do. And when Jared pulls his cock free wrapping his hand around it, stroking hard and fast, coming all over Jensen's face, he just kneels there in the dirt and takes it.

 

He lets Jared pull him back to his feet, and into his arms again, tilts his head back and gasps when Jared tugs gently on his collar. Pleads and begs and whimpers when Jared pulls open his pants and wraps his hand around Jensen's cock. He writhes and twists in Jared's arms, loving the way his lover's hand works him, the way those talented fingers rub and stroke and flex, emptying his mind of everything but his increasingly desperate need for release. He screams into Jared's mouth when he comes, shuddering and shaking as he falls apart, trusting Jared to keep him safe.

 

He's still pretty terrified about how far Jared's going to want to go with this, he's scared half out of his mind really. But he's also more sated than he's ever been in his life, more at peace. He never expected a video game and a stupid dare to turn his entire world upside down, but for now he's just going to go with it, and trust Jared to take him where he needs to go.

 

He opens his mouth to what may be the sweetest kiss they've ever shared, and lets his lover bundle into the car. His hands are shaking too much to work the seatbelt, so Jared has to reach across and fasten him in. Instead of making him feel weak, it just makes him feel protected and loved.

 

Jared kisses him one last time before starting the engine; licks his way inside Jensen's mouth, demanding his surrender, and he gives it willingly. And when Jared whispers, "Such a good boy, love you so much," it makes him feel so proud that he has given Jared what he wants. And when he hears, "Mine?" whispered against his lips; he doesn't hesitate before replying, "Yours, always."


End file.
